<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Time to Live by Firondoiel</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275485">Time to Live</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firondoiel/pseuds/Firondoiel'>Firondoiel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Art, Jinnobi Challenge 2020, M/M, Mission Fic, Non-Graphic Violence, Worried Qui-Gon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:27:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275485</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firondoiel/pseuds/Firondoiel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A mission goes terribly wrong and erupts into bloodshed. After the fighting is over, Qui-Gon can't find Obi-Wan.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>130</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Time to Live</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you to sanerontheinside for proofing and being lovely in all things.</p>
<p>Thank you to Bere Weillschmidt for the absolutely wonderful art and for also being lovely in all things.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Is that blood?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s not mine.”</em>
</p>
<p>Qui-Gon stood where they had last parted, by the entryway to the embassy. The glass doors lay shattered around his feet, providing a clear view of the plaza outside. Long, gleaming spires crown the tops of the government buildings surrounding the plaza. They cast shadows over the white stone and marble that had been glistening in the sun earlier that day.</p>
<p>Crowds of citizens had gathered in the square. It was likely a hub of activity on normal days, but several had wanted to be present for the occasion. The signing of a peace treaty between two provinces that had seen little but war and heartache for decades promised hope to many. Especially to the parents who lived in fear that their children would be ordered to join the militia once they were of age. Children that were likely to only know life colored by violence and fear. Until today.</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s not mine.”</em>
</p>
<p>The words echo in Qui-Gon’s thoughts, replaying themselves over and over. He had been skeptical at Obi-Wan’s answer regarding the rust-colored stain on his tunic, but there hadn’t been time. Before Qui-Gon could question his apprentice further, another explosion had rocked the city, followed by another wave of screams.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon remembers the chaos outside in the plaza. Laser fire had rained down from the buildings lining the square. The royal guard had moved quickly to swarm inside and remove the shooters, but hundreds of civilians had been left scrambling for cover, blinded by their panic.</p>
<p>Beyond the government square, Qui-Gon had seen smoke rising from the blast that ended up destroying the militia base closer to the city center.</p>
<p>Dismay had surged in the Force, telling him that Obi-Wan had seen it as well. The attack was obviously more than a few rebellious zealots acting as rogue snipers. They had been much more coordinated with higher numbers than expected. And they had been much more deadly.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Is that blood?”</em>
</p>
<p>Qui-Gon looks over the bodies that litter the now crimson marble and stone. Rescue efforts have nearly finished here. It’s mostly clean-up now.</p>
<p>So many innocent lives lost.</p>
<p>He had sent Obi-Wan to the northwest corner of the plaza to evacuate civilians while he took the northeast. Obi-Wan hadn’t hesitated before nodding and darting into the crowd, moving as nimbly as he always did.</p>
<p>But now Qui-Gon can see the slight list to the left just before Obi-Wan had disappeared from his sight.</p>
<p>
  <em>”It’s not mine.”</em>
</p>
<p>The northeast side of the plaza is very open and exposed to the vantage points of the building the snipers had infiltrated while the embassy somewhat shields the northwest side.</p>
<p>But Qui-Gon had evaded the blaster fire with the ease of a seasoned master, protecting scared civilians with his own body as he deflected laser bolts with his saber- force shoving others out of harm’s way while still working his way to the corner.</p>
<p>He remembers the woman who had tripped in front of him, knocked down by someone behind her. Blood had streamed from a gash in her head when Qui-Gon had pulled her to her feet. He had held onto her the entire way to the wall that was trapping everyone in the plaza. If he had let her go, she would have stumbled again and been crushed.</p>
<p>Fortunately, he hadn’t needed to waste time carving out an exit with his saber. An earlier blast had weakened part of the wall considerably. It had been simple to clear the way using the Force to aid him.</p>
<p>Everything else melds together after that. Qui-Gon knows he had helped dozens escape the carnage in the square, standing by the wall and providing cover from the shooters. Sometimes risking a dash into the center to retrieve the wounded.</p>
<p>Then only snippets stand out to him; glimpses of quelling small fights that had broken out in the city. The inhabitants enraged over the seeming betrayal by their long held enemy.</p>
<p>It had taken a matter of hours to calm the fighting. As much as Qui-Gon had wished to help in the aftermath, he had returned to the embassy, hoping to persuade the councils away from another declaration of war.</p>
<p>As a senior padawan a year away from his trials, Obi-Wan knows the importance of salvaging the treaty. He should have returned when Qui-Gon did.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Is that blood?”</em>
</p>
<p>Qui-Gon holds every confidence in Obi-Wan’s abilities. The young man has accomplished much and will go on to be one of the greatest Knights of the Order. Qui-Gon is certain of it. Obi-Wan can handle himself alone, even through the horrific events of this day. He has been through much worse.</p>
<p>
  <em>”It’s not mine.”</em>
</p>
<p>Qui-Gon’s jaw tightens.</p>
<p>He trusts Obi-Wan’s judgment in all things but his own well-being. If he had sent his padawan out into a full-scale assault already injured…</p>
<p>No. Obi-Wan is capable. He knows his limits.</p>
<p>He just also has no qualms about blazing right past them.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon grabs at his belt and scrapes his thumb over the corded texture. He stares into the plaza, looking over the weary citizens searching for any wounded survivors among the many dead.</p>
<p>A young girl approaches supporting a man nearly twice her size. Qui-Gon reaches to steady him and take the weight off the girl. The medcenters overloaded quickly, so a makeshift hospital had been set up at the embassy. The injured are either frantically rushed inside or they slowly hobble in as best they can, like the man leaning on him now.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon sees him to the healers where yet another angry diplomat waylays him. He listens patiently, talking reason into the fearful woman, but his gaze strays to the door every time someone enters.</p>
<p>It’s never the right person.</p>
<p>Nearly an hour later, he returns to the main entrance. He scans the plaza again, looking for sweat-soaked auburn hair and a dirty beige tunic to appear at the edge.</p>
<p>Every one of the hours that he spent with frantic diplomats and raging advisors now haunts him, forming a knot in his stomach. A knot that tightens as he recalls all of the time he later gave to overseeing emergency relief efforts.</p>
<p>He had done his duty. Hopefully, Obi-Wan had simply found his duty elsewhere.</p>
<p>The Force alerts him to a presence. Qui-Gon turns to make eye contact with one of the councilmembers who stands frozen with his hand poised to tap Qui-Gon’s shoulder. The startled man opens his mouth to speak, but Qui-Gon doesn’t allow it.</p>
<p>“Have you seen my padawan?”</p>
<p>He hasn’t. Whatever question he had for Qui-Gon in return trails unanswered after the Jedi Master as he walks back to the improvisatory medical ward.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon finds more familiar faces from the peace talks at the healers now, either being treated or assisting where they can. He asks them all the same question. No one has the right answer.</p>
<p>He rues his commlink lying lost and likely smashed somewhere on the battlefield.</p>
<p>Someone offers him food. He refuses it, likely unwise since he has not eaten since that morning, and they are well into the evening, but Qui-Gon knows he won’t be able to keep anything down.</p>
<p>He paces back to the plaza.</p>
<p>How badly might Obi-Wan have been hurt? The Force had only given them the briefest warning before laser bolts broke through the meeting hall windows. They both had moved quickly despite being taken off guard, protecting all present and preventing violence from breaking out between the two sides in the room.</p>
<p>There was a moment when Obi-Wan had tackled a furious war general. They both had hit the floor hard with Obi-Wan taking most of the impact. Qui-Gon hadn’t thought too much about the flash of pain in their bond.</p>
<p>
  <em>”It’s not mine.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Master Jedi?”</p>
<p>One of the nurses stands beside him, her eyes tired but kind.<br/>“I wanted to tell you that a patient that was just brought in. He remembers seeing your apprentice.”</p>
<p>Qui-Gon straightens. He starts to thank her, but she shakes her head.</p>
<p>“He-that is the patient-he fell unconscious just after telling me that he would be dead if not for the young Jedi.”</p>
<p>Pride mingles with Qui-Gon’s worry. “Did he say where he saw him?”</p>
<p>“The city center,” she hesitates, “In the marketplace. Right by where that last explosion went off near the end. He said your apprentice was the only one there helping them as the fighting spread deeper into the city. He doesn’t remember anything after your apprentice saved him from a blaster shot to the head. But he does say that he will be forever grateful.”</p>
<p>Qui-Gon nods. It’s not much, but it is a lead.</p>
<p>“Please give the patient my thanks. And you have my thanks as well.”</p>
<p>The walk to the city center takes longer than it should. He has to make his way through debris while looking at each body lying in the street as he passes, feeling selfish over his relief that none of them are his padawan.</p>
<p>His pauses when he sees the marketplace destruction. A large part of it lies covered in a mountain of rubble from the final explosion. Stalls turned over and in pieces as well as merchandise trampled and strewn everywhere. But relief efforts are underway here as well. More citizens searching. No doubt most are also looking for someone dear to them.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon makes his way through the mess. The Force still gives him no sign of Obi-Wan, so he begins to ask if anyone has seen a Jedi padawan. Most say no. The few that say yes also say things about how Obi-Wan gave them time to take cover or protected them from errant blaster fire. They mention their gratitude, but no one knows where he is now.</p>
<p>He continues sweeping the marketplace. Surely someone will have seen where Obi-Wan went from here</p>
<p>A small group of people have taken it upon themselves to gather the bodies of the dead. Qui-Gon has avoided them, but now he approaches their speeder, each step heavier than the last.</p>
<p>He asks if they have recovered the body of a Jedi, young and with auburn hair. The man he asks questions the rest of his group. Qui-Gon doesn’t breathe while he waits.</p>
<p>When the man turns back, he says that no one has seen a Jedi.</p>
<p>Air rushes back into Qui-Gon along with relief, but he’s still no closer to finding Obi-Wan. He thanks them and begins to walk away when someone calls him back.</p>
<p>A woman, barely more than a girl, has just rejoined the group and heard what he asked. She looks at him and beckons him to follow her to a cart lined with several bodies under a long tarp.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon stands there, frozen. He crosses his arms so no one can see how deeply his fingernails are cutting into his skin.</p>
<p>The woman peels back the tarp.</p>
<p>There’s a body wrapped in a brown robe. Obi-Wan’s robe.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon reaches out with his hand. He sees it stretching in front of him, but he doesn’t feel himself moving. He takes hold of the robe. Is the body too tall? He’s not sure.</p>
<p>The noise of the decimated marketplace warps into a dull ringing as he lifts the hood and looks upon the face of a stranger. A young man with fair hair and dark eyes staring into nothing.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon’s knees threaten to give out. He leans heavily on the cart and touches his forehead to its side, calling on the Force to center himself.</p>
<p>He finally realizes that the woman is talking to him. He doesn’t know what she asked, but he just says “it’s not him”. His hearing flips back to normal, the sounds of rubble being cleared rush through his ears.</p>
<p>“You are fortunate.” The woman’s lips press into a thin line. Otherwise, her face is expressionless. She removes the robe and extends it to Qui-Gon.</p>
<p>He takes it, noticing a hole burned into it from a blaster-over where Obi-Wan’s lower left side would be.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Is that blood?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Obi-Wan glances down his torso. The stain spreads over his stomach and all the way to his left side.</em>
</p>
<p>Qui-Gon looks back at the dead man. No blaster wound.</p>
<p>
  <em>”It’s not mine.”</em>
</p>
<p>His heart clenches. Even as his fear for Obi-Wan rises, sorrow for the man before him wells in his chest. He grieves for the unfortunate ones that might be searching for him. Qui-Gon gently closes the man’s eyes before turning away, Obi-Wan’s robe clutched into a ball in his hands.</p>
<p>Swirling emotions clash inside him as he stands perfectly still. He would appear serene to anyone that looked his way. Qui-Gon believes in living in the moment. It’s where his connection to the Force is strongest, but at this moment, the present holds a painful uncertainty that weighs on him too heavily. He passingly wishes he had some gift of foresight. The future may turn out to be more painful, but he needs to know.</p>
<p>“Focus, Jinn,” he growls to himself under his breath. There have been many close calls before. Many hours of worry that he has managed to navigate as a Jedi should.</p>
<p>But last night…</p>
<p>He decides he would not have the future even if it were offered to him. He would choose to go back.</p>
<p>Back to the moment Obi-Wan had kissed him in their shared rooms after the ceremonial dinner.</p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------</p>
</div><p>
  <em>They stood on the balcony shoulder to shoulder, as they always did. The physical closeness matching the closeness of their bond. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He tells Obi-Wan something he learned from his dinner companion about the wonders of the large forests to the west of the capitol. Obi-Wan cracks some dry observation that rouses a chuckle out of Qui-Gon. The young man’s wit is a near constant source of amusement for him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Then Qui-Gon glances at his smiling padawan and can’t help noticing the bright vivacity of his eyes, highlighted by the setting sun. His glance lingers longer than intended. Those eyes often make Qui-Gon’s breath catch, but he always conceals it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tonight, he allows himself a touch to Obi-Wan’s cheek, keeping it fond and brief, but it’s long enough to feel the smooth softness of Obi-Wan’s face. He dutifully keeps himself clean-shaven. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Qui-Gon lowers his fingers after only a second of contact, but Obi-Wan’s smile vanishes. He says nothing when Qui-Gon asks him what’s wrong. Instead, he tilts his head up, and then his lips are on Qui-Gon’s. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He should have been dumbstruck, but instead Qui-Gon cups Obi-Wan’s cheek and returns the kiss. A muffled sound of happiness from Obi-Wan lets Qui-Gon slip his tongue between the parted lips, not demanding, just exploring. It feels only natural. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He wraps his arms around Obi-Wan and pulls him closer, smiling against soft, warm lips when he realizes Obi-Wan is on his tiptoes. Obi-Wan leans into him, tentatively sliding his hands up Qui-Gon’s chest as though he wants to wrap them around Qui-Gon’s neck, but he stops and grips at Qui-Gon’s tunic instead. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Qui-Gon longs to feel the lithe body pressed flush against him. Nearly a year of meticulously repressed desires is about to be undone, but Qui-Gon suddenly finds himself with everything he wants in his arms. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He still breaks the kiss. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Obi-Wan immediately releases him and steps back, appearing composed, but Qui-Gon senses the underlying nervousness.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>For a moment, his mind is blank. He can think of nothing to say. Or rather he has too many things to say, and he knows the dangers of every one of them. But he cannot let the silence drag out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I will need to meditate before we speak of this,” he says gently, ‘We both should.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Surprise and a bit of hope flashes their bond before Obi-Wan regains himself. He replies, “Of course, Master,” and then retires to one of the sleeping couches. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------</p>
</div><p>Qui-Gon had meditated that night, but he was still lost when morning arrived. He had intended for them to both meditate this evening and then discuss what had happened.</p>
<p>Instead, Qui-Gon finds himself standing in the vestiges of a waking nightmare. He has long known that he would be unable to bear Obi-Wan’s death, but regret rather than grief threatens to choke him with his own breath.</p>
<p>Once he finds Obi-Wan, he will tell him everything. Obi-Wan deserves to know, even if they choose not to change their relationship. Qui-Gon <em>will</em> have another chance. It is too cruel that it takes death to see life clearly.</p>
<p>He searches long into the night, wading through a relentless stream of death that his head aches from the Force’s anguish. No one else can give him any additional information. Only sightings of Obi-Wan risking his life for the people in the marketplace.</p>
<p>A wave of dizziness overtakes Qui-Gon-one too strong for him to ignore. He leans his back against the closest wall and allows himself to slowly sink to the ground. Exhaustion and hunger are not strangers to him, but the despair troubling his heart weakens him.</p>
<p>The thought that Obi-Wan may be buried beneath the rubble in the city center gnaws at him. He rejected it earlier because it will take days if not weeks to clear the rubble away. Survival would be almost impossible.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon tries to swallow, but his mouth is too dry. His tongue far too thick. Once his vision unblurs, he will return to the city center, where all his efforts <em>should</em> have been focused from the beginning.</p>
<p>His sight only darkens further, so he cannot wait for it. He uses the wall and the Force to clumsily rise to his feet, then drags himself towards the marketplace.</p>
<p>Time also blurs as he weaves in and out of awareness, but he does not let himself fall. He’s already wasted so much more than this one day.</p>
<p>When they come for him, Qui-Gon barely notices. He protests weakly as he’s lifted into a speeder. He tells them he needs to get to the marketplace. Obi-Wan is there.</p>
<p>Everything goes black around him, but then he gets the quickest flash of Obi-Wan’s face. He wants to reach for him, but he’s too slow.</p>
<p>And then there’s nothing.</p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>--------</p>
</div><p>He wakes in a medical bed, an IV beside him dripping into his dehydrated body. Anger at his own failings rages in his chest. He has lost more time.</p>
<p>His limbs refuse to obey him when he tries to get up. Rationally, Qui-Gon knows his current state makes him nearly useless in a search, but that doesn’t stop the agony that he screams into the Force.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon senses a presence flinching at the intensity of his emotion. Then he feels something physically brush against him. He looks down.</p>
<p>Obi-Wan lies on top of Qui-Gon’s arm and curled into his side, fast asleep. His unconscious mind reaches out to console Qui-Gon’s distress.</p>
<p>Several seconds pass before Qui-Gon can do anything but stare. He can now sense Obi-Wan in the Force, his presence bright and full of life. Qu-Gon’s eyes sting.</p>
<p>He touches Obi-Wan’s cheek. It’s warm. Obi-Wan nuzzles into Qui-Gon’s hand as his eyelashes flutter. When they open a moment later, Qui-Gon smiles and lightly thumbs over Obi-Wan’s cheekbone.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” he croaks.</p>
<p>Obi-Wan’s eyes widen, and he quickly sits up. “Master! How do you feel? You were barely even lucid when they brought you in. What-”</p>
<p>Qui-Gon presses his other hand to Obi-Wan’s side. “Were you hurt?”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t able to dodge every bit of flying debris in one of the blasts.” Obi-Wan briefly glances away. “They tell me I was unconscious for several hours. I only woke after they treated the head wound. I didn't mean to cause you worry.”</p>
<p>Qui-Gon gently turns Obi-Wan’s head and runs his fingers through the hairs above his ear, pausing when Obi-Wan winces.</p>
<p>“It’s mostly healed.” Obi-Wan reassures him. “They wanted to apply more bacta, but I told them to save it for someone actually injured.”</p>
<p>Qui-Gon chooses not to comment on that just yet, but touches Obi-Wan’s side again. “And here?”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan looks confused. “There?”</p>
<p>“The blood.” Qui-Gon says quietly. “It wasn’t yours?”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan covers Qui-Gon’s hand on his side with his own and holds it there. “Master, other than the knock on the head, I am unharmed.”</p>
<p>Relief courses through Qui-Gon, and he sags against the bed. Obi-Wan touches his shoulder in concern, but Qui-Gon shakes his head, trying to indicate that he’s fine.</p>
<p>“I found your robe.”</p>
<p>“They gave it to me. I don’t know how you found it. I had to lose it at some point to move faster.”</p>
<p>Qui-Gon looks up at Obi-Wan again. His face is slightly flushed, but he seems well. No doubt thanks to the head wound forcing him to rest.</p>
<p>And he’s so beautiful that it actually pains Qui-Gon.</p>
<p>“Master?” Obi-Wan’s hand tightens on his. “Are you well?”</p>
<p>Qui-Gon places his other hand on the back of Obi-Wan’s neck and pulls him into a kiss. Unlike the other night, this one is demanding and passionate, trying to convey months of love and want in a moment. Obi-Wan returns the kiss just as furiously and melts flush against him.</p>
<p>When they part, Qui-Gon keeps Obi-Wan pressed against him, loath to release him. “I have much to tell you.”</p>
<p>“And I have much to say to you as well.”</p>
<p>“I should have told you everything that night.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright.” Obi-Wan gives him a small smile. “We have time.”<br/><br/></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    
  </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>